Part Four: Self-Observation and Ego
figuring out ego, on playing contraries, 3 stages of paratheatre
(updated 12/23/11)

There comes a point where no further artistic development is possible without addressing the issue of ego. “Ego”, as it is used here, refers to any emotional investment and attachment to a particular image of ourselves (often an “ego ideal”), resulting in a fixation with self-image. Ego as self-image; big ego as big self-image. If the portals to creativity are to remain open we must learn to distinguish an “image” of who we are from the source of who we actually are. Image vs. source. Ego expresses one aspect of the totality of who we truly are. Once we confuse this one aspect for the whole, we become owned by the ego. When confusing ego with its larger source, we can easily convince, or con, ourselves into believing that "I am the one creating" or "this is my creation" when, at best, we are vessels for the expression of Creation through us. The self-proclaimed "Artist" is a modernday delusion; that title is for others and the world to decide.

Who are you? Are you your name ? Are you the offspring of your parents and the genetic link to the future of your ancestral gene pool ? Are you the collection of your habits, fears, desires and needs ? Are you a figment of your imagination, a dreamer dreaming your existence into being ? Are you what you were hoping to be ? Beyond all the social conditioning, parental and genetic influences, our education and philosophical ideas and beliefs, who are we really ? We are not only more than we think; we are more than we can think.

Ego expresses a subcategory of the larger category of the archetype of The Self; the ego is subordinate to, and created by, The Self. When the part (ego) is confused for the whole (being), we become “bedeviled”. Ego is not the devil but identifying with ego can be bedeviling. Who has not experienced creative shutdown -- our so-called “creative blocks” -- after falsely assuming credit for what we never truly originated and what was never truly ours ? We are all imposters. It does us well to openly discuss and expose the Imposter within us and its social accomplice, the Poseur.

If ego amounts to self-image, perhaps our true Self dwells in the concept-free zones beyond words, images, or explanations. However, whatever cannot be explained or understood can still be experienced directly as presence, energy, phenomena. Who has not discovered the presence of silence within them and become, if only for a moment, unknown to themselves ? Standing alone in a thick forest or gazing upwards under a starry night sky, are we not a little awestruck by the presence of silence and its diamond core of stillness ? The mystery of our very being dwells in the presence of this silence and draws sustenance from the depths of its stillness. Dare to stand alone in this silence and become unknown to yourself!

Playing the ego, rather than being the ego, requires a certain freedom from self-image. It takes a certain flexibility to know the difference between playing a role and being the role, a flexibility that can be achieved by contradicting any fixed self-image. For example, the best actors (those who do not just play themselves) consistently choose contrary roles with each project to stretch their skill set and discover new experiences.

When we are free to play a quality or image contrary to the image that our narcissism might covet, we stretch the ego and expand the playing field of our creativity and our humanity. For example, if we have become too enamored of the image of our strength, we may do well to play weakness. If we are in love with the self-image of independence, perhaps we are ready to play a more dependent role. If we covet an ego of intelligence, why not choose an image to openly explore ignorance ? If you pride yourself as a radical person, are you radical enough to play a conservative ? As we learn to live with more truth about ourselves and each other, a social conscience develops that allows contraries in others. We are not so quick to judge others for defects, shortcomings, and contradictions we have already accepted in ourselves. This outlook supports the development of a strong, supple, and flexible ego. A strong ego is not the same as a big ego.

 

THREE STAGES OF PARATHEATRE WORK

True initiation does not require ritual to occur; it is a spiritual event. At best a ritual can act as a device or a tool to assist the expression of authentic initiatic experience -- that which has never occured to one before and for which one can never truly be prepared. The first initiation is Self-initiation -- the exposure of oneself to oneself. This means to leave the self-conscious watcher behind and enter the circle of participation. Words, images, explanations... all belong to the watcher. To the participant, experience is everything. This initiatic process marks the first stage of paratheatre work. Two additional, inter-related stages mark further development. All three stages express an intimately entwined process; no graduations, no final arrivals. Each stage remains an essential component of the other:

 

IMMERSION. The first stage involves cultivating enough internal receptivity -- via the No-Form experience -- to vital sources of energy in the body itself as movement resources. The intent is to offer oneself up to these sources as an immersive experience of self-surrender. The results can be ecstatic, convulsive, cathartic, and chaotic.

SERVICE. The second stage involves serving the direction of the energy itself towards expressing its innate patterns and currents through gesture, voice, movement, and action. The intent is to serve the expression of the energy itself without identifying with the energy or imposing any preconceived ideas, plans or images onto the outcome. The results can be dramatic and expressive yet without necessarily communicating anything understandable.

PRECISION. The third stage involves a sustaining care for tempering spontaneity with a gently increasing precision. Too much spontaneity turns the work into self-indulgent soup; too much imposed structure kills its life. A balance must be struck. This balance requires a certain stamina for maintaining the dynamic tension between precision and spontaneity, between form and force, or flow, towards ever-increasing durations. The results can be economical, distilled, simple, and specific.

Part One: Orientation
culture, paratheatre, the emotional plague

Part Two: Integrity Loss and Recovery
the force of commitment, what feeds the being

Part Three: The Performer/Audience Romance
talent and skill, the total act, the No-Form technique

Part Five: Double Vision
the first and second attentions

Part Six: Self-initiation
bridge between the worlds, what drains the power of dreaming

Part Seven: A Cultural Overview
the war in heaven, a society gone mad