Part Four: Self-Observation and Ego
figuring out ego, from being to playing, flexibility
(updated 1/1/07)

There comes a point where no further development of performance craft is possible without addressing the issue of ego. “Ego”, as it is used here, refers to any serious emotional investment in a particular image of ourselves (usually an “ego ideal”), resulting in attachment to and fixation with that self-invested image. Ego as self-image; big ego as big self-image. If the channels to greater creativity are to remain open it helps to distinguish between an “image” of who we are and the source of who we are. Image and source. Ego, like any image, is but one expression of the source of who we truly are.

Who are we ? Who are you? Who am I ? Beneath all the social conditioning, parental influences, genetic inheritances and our big philosophical ideas, we are nothing. Or, if you will, we are God, Love, Void, Fate, Chance; many are the names for our nameless source of being. To confuse ego with source is to mistake the ego for the source, an act of folly resulting in the self-proclaimed “Artist” who is convinced that "I am the one creating" when, at best, we are but vehicles for the expression and articulation of Creation through us. Developing this discernment constitutes an important aspect of self-work for any performing artist.

Ego expresses a subcategory of the larger category of the archetype of The Self; the ego is also suboridnate to, and created by, The Self. When the part (ego) is confused for the whole (being), we become “bedeviled” by ego. Ego is not the devil; identifying with ego can be bedeviling. Who has not experienced creative shutdown -- our so-called “creative blocks” -- following any act of assuming credit for what was never truly originated ? We may toil and sweat blood and weep real tears, yet who is the master that makes the grass green ? This is not a trick question; this is a wake-up call. We are not only more than we think; we are more than we can think.

Who has not secretly felt like an imposter in the wake of such self-delusion ? It’s not that the ego cannot create. It does! What ego creates, however (and fights to preserve), is narcissism (vanity, false pride, glamour) which can develop into self-delusion. The ego acts as the false center of everything without realizing its own illusory nature; the ego as the emperor without clothes. Like the industrious spider, the only center ego weaves is the gossamer vortex of its own exquisitely fragile web.

If ego amounts to self-image then our true self resides deep within the mystery of being, the very nature of which expresses nondualistic experience; no words or images can truly describe or explain it. What cannot be explained or understood, however, can be experienced. Who has not discovered a silence within them, perhaps standing in a forest or under a starry desert sky awestruck in that stillness ? The mystery of being.

The I Ching, the great Chinese Book of Changes, interprets "leadership" as "whomever is closest to center". This leader does not lead by telling others what to do. This leader guides others by example. This leader plays close to center. This distinction, between being the center of attention and playing close to center, marks the difference between sourcing the ego and placing ego in service to a greater source.

Playing the ego, rather than being it, requires a certain freedom or detachment from self-image. This emotional flexibility can be achieved by intnetionally contradicting any self-image. Sometimes good actors (those who do not just play themselves) do this by choosing contrary roles with each project; they mix it up. When we are free to embody, express and play a quality or image contrary to the one our narcissim covets, we stretch the ego; we embrace more of our innate humanity.

For example, if the ego becomes too enamored of the virtue of strength, we may do well to play weakness. If we are in love with the self-image of independence, perhaps we are ready to play a more dependent role. If we covet an ego of intelligence, why not choose an image to openly explore our ignorance ? If you pride yourself as a radical person, are you radical enough to be conservative ? And so forth...

This ego flexibility results in a more well-rounded, less one-sided view of ourselves and consequently of each other. As the ego stretches, empathy deepens. We learn to live with and endure a little more truth about ourselves, each other, our humanity. In this way, a flexible ego expresses a strong ego; not a big ego, which only crimps talent and Self-access. A strong, flexible ego is necessary to endure the holy fires of real change, a tranformaton of of being -- not just a change of state or condition-- without which we are fated to repeat ourselves into redundancy, mediocrity and a kind of slow death of all things soulful, creative and alive.

 

to be cont.

Part One: Key Terms Defined
culture, theatre, paratheatre, emotional plague

Part Two: Integrity Loss and Recovery
the force of commitment, what feeds the being, the good fight

Part Three: The Performer/Audience Romance
the need for love, the total act, the No-Form technique

Part Five: Transmission
the first and second attentions, the bridge between worlds