By Rob Brezsny

Sex Riots broke out in ten new locations in Russia and Albania yesterday, bringing to a total of 17 the number of cities there undergoing this bizarre form of mass hysteria. Combined with similar outbreaks in Turkey, Egypt, Tadzhistan, Azerbaijan, Romania and Malaysia, the Russian incidents bring the world total to over 100.

The most serious erotic conflagration appears to be taking place in Voronezh, 300 miles south of Moscow. Police have backed off from intervention, after discovering what authorities have found in all other Sex Riots: Participants in these orgies show a superhuman strength comparable to that possessed by users of the drug angel dust. Several police in Voronezh were injured while attempting to pry apart copulating couples.

The disturbance in Voronezh began in a park near the center of town. Despite temperatures hovering in the low 40s, as many as 150 naked bodies were already engaged in every imaginable sex act by 9 yesterday morning, when they were discovered by a groundskeeper reporting for work. By the time police riot troops arrived in force at 10, the orgy had swelled to an estimated 500 participants. By late afternoon, observers estimate that as many as 7,000 grunting, lathered-up, manic celebrants had spilled over the park's perimeters into the surrounding streets.

As in other Sex Riots, the demographic make-up of the bacchantes is about 80 percent female, but is by no means dominated by the young and svelte. The old and the infirm are present in abundance. Teenagers are well-represented. Homosexual and heterosexual sex takes place side by side. According to some reports, even animals, trees and flowers have been drafted into the service of this eros gone mad.

The leader of Voronezh's version of the "Global Revolt of the Id," as the Sex Riots have been called by sexologist Rapunzel Blavatsky, follows a pattern seen in many of the other outbreaks. She's a 23-year-old milkmaid, Vimala Dembowski. Within the last two weeks, according to local sources, Dembowski has begun to claim she communes regularly with visions of "Our Holy Sister," by whom she means Mary Magdalene.

Throughout the day yesterday, Ms. Dembowski anchored the orgy at the center of the park. For 30-40 minutes at a time, she stared into the sky and conversed with images which she alone could see, and which she referred to as "Sister" or "Magdalene." At times she would break off her dialogue with "Magdalene" to address the orgiasts with a chant or song or weird sequence of hoots and chirps and bellows. Invariably, following one of Dembowski's invocations, there was a mass switching of partners and changing of positions among the rioters. It was as if she were orchestrating the flow of sexual energy.

From time to time Dembowski would direct her attention to a specific couple or clump of revelers. Uttering a weird, half-sung prayer, she seemed to magically raise the pitch of the revelers' sexual excitement. Often, at the climax of her prayer, all those basking in the beam of her attention appeared to reach orgasm simultaneously.

At press time, damage to the infrastructure of Voronezh seems minimal, unlike some other cities which have been touched by this strange contagion. Reports indicate that about a thousand revelers have taken their erotic frenzies into stores and government buildings in downtown Voronezh, but as of yet any destruction that's occurred seems inadvertent, merely the result of pleasurable flailing and silly erotic games rather than anger.

Meanwhile, however, Sex Riots in Shkoder, Albania have taken a more ominous turn. Reports indicate that roving bands of dildo-wielding amazons have raped more than 25 men.

In Gjirokaster, Albania, near the Greek border, thousands of men and women are engaged in a macabre "copulation dance," in which they attempt to remain sexually joined though seemingly powerless to stop dancing. Injuries are mounting, yet even many of the injured shake off medical treatment to continue their demonic possession-like wriggling. While in many other Sex Riots the revelers show a modicum of common sense, stopping to eat and sleep, the Gjirokaster troops seem particularly neglectful of their own well-being.

This dangerous trance resembles the behavior of revelers near Tursunzade, Tadzhikistan, where an estimated 6,000 are in the fifth day of a Sex Riot that's been dubbed "The Twisty Fuck Dance of the Red Shoes." Though bereft of clothes, virtually all the celebrants there are wearing red shoes as they dance and copulate and fondle each other nonstop in a weird march which has now traversed over 150 miles. Most of the marchers appear to have gone without sleep and food for the duration. More than 70 known deaths have occurred, according to the Red Cross, and another 230 have collapsed.

Sexologist Rapunzel Blavatsky speculates that the more violent expressions of the Sex Riots are related to a high degree of sexual repression in the affected area. She predicts that those places where the collective id has had a modicum of freedom, such as in Russia, will not experience the kind of damage occurring now in Albania and the Islamic countries.

The Russian news agency Tass reported last week that a huge UFO landed in a suburban park at Voronezh, some 300 miles south of Moscow. Witnesses said the craft was shaped like a vagina turned on its side. Seven naked giant female humanoids emerged from the ship, according to one witness, Andrei Pskov. They were over nine feet tall with bronze skin, and wore their hair long in reddish dreadlocks. One of the giants approached Pskov and squirted him with a thick white substance like milk from her breast. Other than this brief interaction, though, Pskov said the giants showed no interest in the human males in the park, and concentrated their attention on the six females.

A local milkmaid named Vimala Dembowski seemed able to speak the strange language of grunts and squeaks used by the giants. Dembowski joined the giants for what appeared to be a ceremony centered around a tall silver chalice placed on the ground. Though at first shy about discussing the details, Pskov eventually confessed that each of the seven giants, as well as Dembowski, appeared to squat over the chalice and expel a reddish-brown chunky fluid from their vaginas. Dembowski disappeared into the craft with the giants shortly before it flew away. Tass also reported that scientists later examined the park in Voronezh and found a 77-foot-wide depression in the grass, along with five foot-deep holes along the periphery of the depression. The scientists were also shocked to find several places in the park soaked with copious amounts of what they later determined to be dried menstrual blood.

This HOPE, FAITH & GOOD NEWS issue also features good news stories about 3,000 Hermits in Chinese Outback, Free Bikes in Portland, Seed Preservation, Seattle's REAL CHANGE, Antero Alli's TOP 12 REASONS FOR GETTING OUT OF BED, THE ANTI-APOCALYPSE by the Moorish Observatory, interview with Sufi PIR VALAYAT KHAN & much more.

Back Issues List | Next